One day at a time.......

Today is what.....Wednesday, maybe Tuesday.....could even be a Thursday or a Friday. Don't get me wrong, I work! Like that wasn't enough, I work in IT!!  There are days when I know what is what and then there are days when I don't.....most days fall in the latter category and I have come to a point that it doesn't bother me anymore. Again, don't get me wrong, I only have one child (a toddler), who I love to bits. Its just that love isnt enough when you have a day to go through, chores to be done, work to be done, him being on his vacation, maids are to be managed, mums are to be pacified! 'Mumma look!' he says each time he stacks ONE block on top of the other, there is still a whole structure to be built, but he needs me one block at a time. He needs me to ensure him, approve of him, make him feel safe, even if that means Mumma could be famished, close to tears, doing the chores waiting for the maid (who's taken an unplanned leave), mentally planning her day at work etc., etc..

So after 3.5 years of constant and daily struggles, living in a pandemic, going to therapy, almost quitting and then actually quitting jobs, switching to another IT company and surviving it through all, I have come to one conclusion....take it by the day! Maids will quit, mums will throw tantrums bigger than your toddler, toddlers will act like adults that will take you on massive guilt trips, work will suffer, dishes wont be clean, house will be a mess......I just need to remember, work can wait (i can work when he sleeps), mums need to be ignored (they have aged), toddlers will grow up, I just need to breathe with it all. All of this is a passing phase, I do my work as and when I have time throughout the day, i play with my toddler in the middle of the week day, I let off the fantasy of a perfect maid.

I cannot let all of these factors control my emotions, my mental state. I try and live in the moment and for once......let life take control of me. I am done controlling life. 

- diary of a mother trying a co-working space today (and is a little lost :) )

Being on a diet....

Date: 8th July 2015


Need I say more on this cliched topic !! Although yes, have been on a diet with two bouts of proper meals and tea in the last two days. Funny story I still call it a diet. See the guilt!!\

About two days back my friend walked up to me just before we were about to leave for the weekly veggie market trips. She was planning to start with the famous GM diet and was explaining the benefits that it has shown in history. Never was I into diets or fasting before this, but the somewhat detoxifying side of the diet really appealed to me. I have been wanting to follow a similar diet that mainly included fruits and greens and water and lasted not more than a week, GM diet seemed like a perfect match to my needs.

Today is day 3 and let me be very honest, I am personally loaded with more guilt about eating than ever. however, I still have 3 more days to go and plan to follow them strictly to see the result at the end of it.

Will post again on the last day :)

An Amateur's blog

Date: 29th Oct 2014

Place: Riverside Dr., Nairobi.

This is not exactly the first time that I've started off writing a post on my blog. As a matter of fact, this is the nth time I'm doing it and still not quite gathered the confidence that it won't be deleted before getting published.

I always wonder what people write in their blogs. I have read a few blogs, but they were very objective in nature. They were targeted to a crowd who sought specific information. I, on the other hand, consider myself to be a very less-informed individual, who may strive to know too much but is mostly very subjective in her approach (noted now as a scope for improvement). 

I did consider reading other such loosely targeted blogs, with a perspective of writing one myself, however then decided against it. I realized that I did not want to start off, influenced by someone else's idea of a blog. I wanted the first one to (sort of) just pop out of me. 

I thus define this first blog as an exercise to my mind, a practice to open up, to form pure, definitive thoughts all by itself. Thoughts, which should be solid enough to be put down in words.  I realize that I have started taking 'the activity of thinking' for granted and exploiting it without making much fruitful use of it. I believe that I've time and again failed my potential to think clear and have now decided to methodically work on this aspect.

In a matter of time, I wish to train my mind to think thoroughly,  even though I may not be writing it down. I guess that would be somewhere close to 'being thoughtful'. I don't want to think too much, but I want to be clear and precise. I'm pretty sure writing will assist me in training my mind to indulge in a healthy, meaningful thought process.

"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud."
— Coco Chanel

Thank you.